Multiple listeners have asked me to address the topic of same-sex attraction.
This episode is my response. It's not a lecture. It's an invitation to listen to your story.
Get the Unwanted Digital Workbook here: https://www.unwantedworkbook.com
Take the Husband Material Journey...
Thanks for listening!
Multiple listeners have asked me to address the topic of same-sex attraction.
This episode is my response. It's not a lecture. It's an invitation to listen to your story.
Get the Unwanted Digital Workbook here: https://www.unwantedworkbook.com
Take the Husband Material Journey...
Thanks for listening!
speaker 0: 0:00
Welcome to the Husband Material Podcast, where we help Christian men quit pornography so you can change your brain, heal your heart and save your relationship. My name is Drew Boa, and I'm here to show you how. Let's go. Hey, everyone, Today we are talking about a super personal topic. Same sex attraction I have never experienced. The kind of exclusive, unrelenting same sex attraction is other people. But I have been sexually attracted to other men, and I have masturbated to other men and this is a part of my story. And honestly, I believe this is a part of so many people, stories that are just afraid to talk about it and ashamed to talk about it because we don't want to be labeled as homosexual. We don't want to be labeled as gay. My goal today is not to convince you of an ethical position on same sex experiences or union or whatever. My goal today is to help you understand your story. And if same sex attraction is part of that story, then let's get into it before we start. I want to highlight a review this week from Addict 3 to 4 who says thanks for doing this podcast. You have no idea how refreshing it is to see and hear a godly man talking about a subject that goes not talked about way too often. God is using you. Keep pressing on. Thank you so much. Attic. 3 to 4 and you are so much more than an addict. You are God's beloved child in you. He is well pleased. And today we're going into one of those topics that should get talked about Maur. I get so many questions from people asking me about same sex attraction. So let's get into it. Point number one Sexual attraction is good and beautiful. The sexual purity culture movement said that if you're sexually attracted to people of the same sex, that's evidence that something is wrong with you. Something is broken in you and I disagree. It's evidence that something is right with you, that you're seeing something good, beautiful, the image of God in another person and you're drawn to it. That's a good thing. God created us with sexual attractions and desires. And also point number two, we are all sexually broken. Attraction is not the problem. The Brokenness comes when we move in a direction that's against God's design. So, for example, if you love the taste of high fructose corn syrup, that is evidence that God has given you taste buds that work. That is a good and beautiful thing, to enjoy the sweetness and also to actively choose to consume high fructose corn syrup, especially over a period of time. Consistently, that will destroy you. That is evidence of Brokenness, because moving against God's design for our bodies, for nutrition, for the way this world is supposed to work. So our task, therefore, is not to try to shut down our taste buds or shut down our sexual attraction, but to learn how to direct them in a way that's healthy in a way that's holy. And I believe in order to do that, you need to find out what it was that you were attracted to in the first place. For high fructose corn syrup. It's that sweetness. It's that Mmm tastes really good. Well, you know what? Ah, lot of things taste really good. And when you can figure out what it was about it, maybe you can find something else that's healthy and sweet. Something else that meets your underlying desire without having to come through this particular version of it that goes against God's design. Now we could spend a lot of time talking about Okay, how do you channel your sexual desires and attractions? But I want to focus on this. What is the story underneath your same sex attraction? I acknowledge that sometimes sexual attraction is totally independent of our story, and I would describe that more of a sexual preference. No, we all have sexual preferences that are different. Usually, though, when people are coming to me talking about same sex attraction, it is this powerful magnetic force that they just can't shake. It's like for me what I experienced with a sexual fetish like, I don't like this attraction. I don't want this attraction, but has this hold on me? It has this hook in my heart, and I cannot resist it. It has a power over me. And whenever you're facing that level of compulsion and desire, there is a story, my friend, that you need to listen to. So what is the story behind your same sex attraction? That's my question for you today. When did this begin? What are the formative experiences and D formative experiences that affected you negatively that wounded you in your family in your childhood, in your adolescence. I mean, that is when our arousal template are unique mixture of sexual arousal and attraction and desire is formed. That's when it all comes together. And so I wonder what your story is and when you can figure out, OK, what was it that this attraction symbolized for me? Then you could figure out how to get that in a healthy way, whether it was acceptance by male peers or intimacy with a father or having power when you felt powerless or feeling supported when you were all alone. For each of us are sexual arousal and attraction takes a unique shape, and it's based on our story. And once again, let me remind you, every story is different. I've met people who have experienced their attractions, reversed one of my friends from college experience, exclusive, same sex attraction, and this up getting married wasn't sure if he would be able to sexually engaged with his wife, and they had wonderful sex every night of their honeymoon. I, on the other hand, have been attracted to women predominantly, and we didn't have any real sex on our honeymoon because I was unable to engage because of my years of pornography and masturbation. My whole point here is if you experience same sex attraction, don't assume that it can't be changed. And also don't assume that it can change. Your story is gonna be different than that guy story than my story. And I believe the most important question to ask is not Is it okay for me to give in to these same sex attractions or not? Or how do I to resist them? But how can I achieve whatever it was that I've been really desire ing underneath all of these sexual symbols and fantasies and images, whether you're attracted to women in person and men in gay porn, whether you are on Lee attracted to men all the time or whether you're just confused about what you want when you look deeply into your sexual fantasies and you begin toe, listen to the stories from your childhood that they are telling you will find the desires of your heart mirrored to you. Let me give you an example. A lot of my sexual fantasies revolved around middle school girls, and my deep desire underneath that was based on the story of my experience in middle school, feeling abandoned, rejected in exile and wanting to belong, wanting to be accepted. So for me to live out this story with integrity and rewrite a new one with God's help, I need to find out okay, how can I experience that acceptance that belonging in, ah, holy way? Because that desire is not wrong? Those attractions are not evidence that something's wrong with me there evidence that some things right with me that God made me for relationships with himself with other people. And when I'm disconnected, that is evidence that something's wrong with me. So if you want to learn how to begin to unpack your sexual attractions and desires, I created a resource with J. Stringer called the Unwanted Digital Work. And one of the free bonuses in this workbook is something called the sexual behavior Self assessment, which helps you to understand the relationship between your current sexual behaviors, attractions and fantasies to your experiences from childhood from your family from growing up because they are related. I'm not gonna tell you exactly How? Because I don't know your unique story. I don't know your mom. I don't know your dad. I do know this. There is so much healing available when you are able to listen to your story and learn how to love yourself with the love of God in the middle of it. He is not ashamed of you. He is proud to be your father. And if you experience same sex attraction, maybe today he's inviting you to be curious about that, to pay attention to that and to see what he might reveal to you. I believe the best way to do that is to get the unwanted digital workbook unwanted workbook dot com. I'll put a link in the show Notes Always remember, my friend, no matter what you're attracted Thio No matter what you've done or what has been done to you, you are God's beloved son in you. He is well. Please