How Music Transforms Sexual Temptation

Have you ever been amazed by the power of music? In this episode, you'll learn five ways music can support you in overcoming sexual temptation—including one resource that turns anyone into a songwriter.  

Songs mentioned on this episode:

• The Lord Will Fight For You - https://youtu.be/TE_OlAxU_uc?si=iaKCsPNe0m3g3q-o
• Confession of Sin (low-quality recording) - https://suno.com/s/EJ0hCbjWjLn0Zr9R
• Confession of Sin (SUNO version) - https://suno.com/s/shdp2PL5TNKoNBCi
• His Beloved Son - https://suno.com/s/hHAtdx9N961mvh9a

The Lord Will Fight For You Song Credits:

words and music by Drew Boa

produced and arranged by Steven Dougherty

mixing and mastering by Danny Stimac

Steven Dougherty - lead vocals, BGV’s, piano, synthesizer, & drum programming

Danny Stimac - electric guitar, additional percussion

Mike Shelton - bass guitar

Burton Gestner - acoustic guitar

Shawn Manley - lead vocals

T.J. Tolosa - lead vocals

Husband Material Men’s Chorus:

Drew Boa

Chris Furr

Mike Chapman

John Depew

Keith Martin

Jay Sevilla

James Kaiser

Patrick Allen

Arlen Wilcock

Steven Dougherty

Shawn Manley

T.J. Tolosa

Dustin Lang

Lyndon Dueck

Dan Carlson

Share the songs you love in the Husband Material Community!

husbandmaterial.com/community

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Thanks for listening!

Transcript

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Welcome And The Mission

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome to the Husband Material podcast, where we help Christian men outgrow porn. Why? So you can change your brain, heal your heart, and save your relationship. My name is Drew Boa, and I'm here to show you how. Let's go.

Why Music Helps When Triggered

SPEAKER_00 0:19

Hey, my name is Drew Boa. I'm the founder of Husband Material, where I help men outgrow porn. Today we are talking about music, because music can transform sexual temptation. I hear it all the time from other guys, and I have experienced it myself when we are feeling frustrated, exhausted, and susceptible to sexually acting out. Sometimes a song is exactly what we need. And that's why I want to explore why music can be so powerful and five ways that you can use music the next time you feel triggered or tempted in any way.

Worship As Spiritual Warfare

SPEAKER_00 0:58

First, let's talk about why music can help us so much in terms of scripture, science, and sexual recovery. In scripture, sometimes worship functions as spiritual warfare. We see this in some of the Old Testament battles when God's people go out singing and their enemies flee. But my favorite example of worship as spiritual warfare in the Bible is in the temptation of Jesus. Jesus responds to Satan by saying, You shall worship the Lord your God and serve him only. When we sing worship songs to God, we declare our allegiance to him and remind ourselves and all of the spiritual forces of darkness that he is the Lord. Singing worship songs can strengthen us to be faithful when we are under pressure. That's what we see in the New Testament. When Paul and Silas are in prison, they are singing at midnight, beaten up, broken down. They're singing. And in that moment, their chains are released. It's amazing. And while this is not some kind of magic formula, it is powerful. When we sing worship songs, especially the songs that resonate with our souls, our chains can be released. Sometimes we forget that evil is on a mission to steal, kill, and destroy us. And when we worship, when we sing especially together, we push back that darkness. We are declaring who God is, what he has done, and who we are as a result.

The Brain Science Behind Music

SPEAKER_00 2:31

Now, all of that is true spiritually, and also let's talk about music scientifically. Music engages the whole brain, the left brain logic and language and reason, as well as the right brain emotion and passion and creativity. Porn and sexual fantasy primarily activate the right brain and our bodies. And that's one reason why music can be so helpful when we're sexually tempted, because it's not trying to think our way out of it, it's allowing our entire brains and bodies to have an experience that engages the parts of us that feel the pull toward porn. When we long to see beauty, when we crave soothing, music can provide a healthy version of that. And when you look at music through the lens of sexual recovery, you see that it replaces porn as a source of emotional regulation. As my friend Dr. Eddie Caprucci says, emotional regulation is recovery because porn gets its power from unprocessed feelings. Think about it. If you were able to process all of your feelings every single time, would you ever go back to porn? Probably not. Sometimes when we avoid or ignore or stuff down our emotions, they become sexualized. Music is a way of actually feeling and healing. Music can give your emotions a predictable, interesting place to go instead of porn. Now, practically speaking, how does that

Five Practical Ways To Use Music

SPEAKER_00 4:03

happen? Here are five ways music can transform sexual temptation. First, listening to a song can change how you feel. It's a mood-altering experience, especially when that song is connected to a body memory.

Body Memories And Mood Shifts

SPEAKER_00 4:17

If you don't know what a body memory is, here's a quick explanation. We have two types of memory, explicit and implicit. Explicit memory is like recalling facts, information, remembering someone's birthday, for example. Implicit memory or body memory is re-experiencing events. It's like a time machine that takes you back to a specific moment or a specific experience that had an emotional impact on you. Body memories can reactivate trauma, for example, feeling alone or powerless. Body memories can also reenact beauty, joy, peace, connection. And when you listen to a song that's connected to a positive body memory, it can immediately change how you feel. For example, whenever I hear the song This Will Be by Natalie Cole, I remember walking down the aisle with my wife Rebecca when we got married because that's the song that was playing. And whenever I hear a song from the Husband Material Retreat dance party playlist, I think of all of you guys who have been to a husband material retreat and the silly, crazy joy that we have whenever we have those dance parties. I wonder what songs might be connected to positive body memories for you. Think of a song that takes you back to a time when you felt happy, loved, or fully alive. Maybe that song can be a resource

Let Songs Express Real Emotions

SPEAKER_00 5:41

for you. But sometimes we don't need music to change how we feel. We need music to express how we feel. The second way music can transform sexual temptation is by expressing emotions. Music can provide a safe container for lament, grief, mourning, unfiltered, unpolished expressions. Guys, we need that. If we only use music to try to change how we feel, we are bypassing what our bodies are trying to tell us. Because sometimes we need a sad song to help us cry. Sometimes we need a mad song to help us get our anger out without hurting anyone else. Sometimes we need a song to just relax us. And expressing our emotions changes them. It helps them relax. It helps them calm down. So expressing how you feel can change how you feel. As neuroscientist Daniel Siegel has famously said, name it to tame it. So far we've talked about how listening to music can help with emotional regulation and sexual temptation. But there's more.

Create Beauty Instead Of Consuming

SPEAKER_00 6:49

Creating beauty instead of consuming beauty can be even more powerful. And before you stop listening to this podcast because you think to yourself, I'm not creative or I'm not musical, stay until the end because I have a resource that can turn anyone into a songwriter. Here's why this matters porn is passive. Porn is consumeristic. When you go beyond listening to music and you start playing music, you start singing, you start creating and writing your own songs, you are no longer a consumer. You are a creator. You are no longer being passive, you're being proactive. When I first started sexual recovery, I discovered the power of this through learning to play the piano. At the time, I was realizing that playing hours and hours of video games every day was not helpful for me. So I had just given up video games, and there was this huge, empty gap every evening where I did not know what to do. And in that space, I started to learn how to play the piano. That became an outlet for me. It was emotional regulation. It was also a place of creativity. Learning to play music literally changed my life. And at times it has been an incredible resource for me, especially when I feel the need to numb

Turning Exhaustion Into A Song

SPEAKER_00 8:10

out. One night when I felt completely exhausted after trying to put my kids to bed, I realized I can either grab my phone and start scrolling, or I can grab my guitar and start strumming. And when I did, I expressed my ugly emotions. Here are some of the lyrics that came out. Where is the goodness of the Lord? Is he sleeping? We are suffering. Where is the beauty of the Lord? Is he hiding? We have waited long. Where is the healing of the Lord? We are wounded and lame. There is no one to help. Where is the freedom of the Lord? We are covered in shame and the curse of hell. And as these feelings came flowing out like poison leaving my body, I felt like God responded to me. All his saving work is not done, there is still more to overcome. The Lord will fight for you. You need only be still.

Hearing The Lord Will Fight For You

SPEAKER_00 9:06

This turned into a song called The Lord Will Fight for You, and I want to give you a chance to hear it on this podcast.

SPEAKER_03 10:57

We are just all day.

SPEAKER_00 14:02

Thankfully,

Suno AI Makes Songwriting Accessible

SPEAKER_00 14:03

you don't need that level of skill to start writing your own music, especially with a new free tool called Suno. S-U-N-O. Suno is an AI-powered music app that can help you create your own songs with almost nothing to go off of, or it can take an existing song with a rudimentary low-quality recording and make it sound really good. To show you how Suno can create a high-quality recording based on a song you've already written, I want to share a song that I've written recently. Lately I've been writing songs based on the prayers we pray at my church every week at International Anglican Church. The song you're about to hear is based on the Confession of Sin, which is oftentimes a more somber, serious part of the service. And for me, there's a lot of joy and freedom in confession. So I wrote a song to express that. If you'd like to hear my confession of sin song, go down to the links in the description and click on Confession of Sin, both my original version and the Suno version. Thanks for listening. But even if you have zero musical ability and you can't sing at all, if all you have are lyrics, Suno can still turn it into an amazing song. My friend John Craig gave me permission to share this song that he created using Suno based on the words I say at the end of every Husband Material podcast. You are God's beloved son, and you he is well pleased. If you'd like to hear John's song, go down to the links in the description and find the one that says his beloved son. I think you'll love it. That song brings tears to my eyes, and it's just one of so many awesome songs that husband material men are creating using Suno, S-U-N-O, expanding the ways that music can help us transform sexual temptation. As

Recap Of The Five Ways

SPEAKER_00 15:52

a recap, here are the five ways music can transform sexual temptation. One, a song can change how you feel. Two, a song can express how you feel. Three, creating music creates beauty instead of consuming beauty. Four, writing a song can be incredibly redemptive. And five, the AI-powered music app Suno can help you get started with almost nothing to create your own beautiful songs at SUNO.com. How about

Share Songs And Take The Challenge

SPEAKER_00 16:20

you? I wonder how music helps you personally. What's one of your favorite songs that helps you worship God, emotionally regulate, or overcome sexual temptation? Let's share those songs with each other in the husband material community. And if you're up for a challenge, write your own song. Feel free to use Suno and share it with us in the husband material community so we can celebrate and enjoy creativity together. Links to all the songs you heard on today's podcast are available in the show notes. I hope you enjoy them. And always remember you are God's beloved son. And you, he is well pleased.